A MOTORING column about clothes? I know it sounds as odd as a bottle of chips, but stick with me. Watching the British Grand Prix, I was struck by just how much motoring-branded clothing was on view.
From the team wear the pit crews have to don, to the outfits won by nerds watching in the stands, it all looked so naff.
The worst offenders are the Subaru brigade - and they don't even compete in Formula One.
Why (predominantly) young men feel the need to display T-shirts, puffer jackets and, yes, anoraks embossed with the Subaru monicker, I have no idea.
Anyone who wears this kind of stuff clearly spends too much time on computers, wondering why there's a lack of response to their lonely hearts advert.
Even worse are young men who wear Ferrari T-shirts and caps. I once worked with a bloke who owned a beautiful Ferrari 360 Modena. As he arrived on location, he would get out and puff out his chest to reveal he was wearing a Ferrari sweatshirt.
And then he would quickly don a Ferrari cap to confirm what we already knew - that he had no friends. It was as if he was an F1 driver about to give a post-race interview. In reality, he was in scaffolding and was from Wakefield.
Now, if you are lucky enough and rich enough to own a Ferrari, the most uncool thing you can do is to brag about it.
But far worse are the thousands of German F1 fans that, because of the Michael Schumacher connection, squeeze their beer and sausage-filled frames into Ferrari shirts. It's an instant advert for the fact that you are unhealthy and that you DON'T own a Ferrari.
The pit crews I understand have to wear the entire garb. But why does it all look so uncool? They look like middle-aged holiday reps.
There was one who was wearing socks and sandals and had his Williams BMW T-shirt tucked into shorts that looked painfully tight. It was as far from the glamour of Formula One as you could get.
"It's only like wearing a football shirt," I hear you cry. Yes, it is. And if you're the type that buys extra large football shirts to play five-a-side in, or even worse go to the pub, then you probably whistle at girls as you pass them in your van.
Now I know nothing about clothes. I have the sartorial elegance of Bill Oddie. So I don't want anyone accusing me of being a fashion fascist. But what I do is I conceal the fact that I'm a car nerd. Wearing branded clothing is just the opposite.
And, in any case, I don't think they sell Volkswagen tie pins.
