I'VE recently been accused of being too judgmental when it comes to other people using the road. A friend of mine who had clearly been paying attention to these pages, and who was herself acting as judge and jury, listed the accusations.
As far as she was aware, in recent weeks I had had a laugh at dog lovers, girls applying make up in transit and people who towed caravans. (She's wrong about the last one, but it's a great idea. Watch this space!)
I have apparently applauded driving fast, 4x4 vehicles and Volvo drivers. Again, she was slightly inaccurate about the last one. I can't stand Volvo drivers, but I am secretly a closet Volvo fan. But I came out and now I am greeted warmly by bearded men listening to brass bands who think that I'm "one of them!"
The point is that we are all judgmental. Of course, every time I make a generalisation it is just that - a generalisation. There are exceptions, but they, in turn, prove the rule. For example, girls drive Renault Clios. Unless it's a Williams, or a sport, or a V6.
They don't all have a fluffy toy on the parcel shelf or stuck to the rear window. Not all of them have their seat too close to the windscreen. None will listen to Radio 4.
Young men drive second-hand Subaru Imprezzas and Mitsubishi Evos. Now, not all of them drive them badly and aggressively. Only most of them will have modified them in some way. A few may have some insurance. Some might be educated. None are social workers.
That random bunch of statements aren't facts. I made them up, but I'll bet that statistically they are mostly right. If there's a male vicar out there, driving a bad-ass Honda Civic Type R, then I'd like to meet him, and ask him why he isn't driving a regular Civic, like all the rest.
Judgements
We all make judgements when we are on the road. We ought to do, anyway. If you see an old man driving a very well-maintained Citroen BX, with a tow bar, it is safe to say that he and his wife like to go caravaning at weekends. They probably flirted with naturism some years ago, but it wasn't for them.
You can tell that by his choice of car he has no interest in going quickly. He will, in all probability, stay two miles below the limit. In my judgement, in that situation, it is better and safer for everyone involved to overtake him as quickly as is humanly possible. He'll almost certainly call you a "daft b*gger" as you do so.
Do you think that people who drive Rovers or Jaguars read the New Statesman? When was the last time you saw a Guardian lying among the chip wrappers in the windscreen of a Transit? I got in a lot of hot water, last week, for saying that environmentalists didn't wash. I wish to clarify things a little to avoid confusion. What I meant to say was that most environmentalists don't wash.
The point is, we are all judging each other all of the time. If you see a Child On Board sticker, take it easy. If you see a "dogs in transit" sign in a car, get close enough to see the dog, then bare your teeth and snarl. If you see four men in hoodies in an ageing Toyota, let them through.
They're very angry and have no insurance. I could be wrong. Use your own judgement.
